Island Fever
People who move to Hawaii, who are not originally from an island, often get “island fever” after a few months. People say they have to get off “the rock” and get restless because they can’t easily just leave for a bit if they feel like it. They want the option, even if they were never the types to spontaneously go on trips when they lived elsewhere. People would say they felt trapped by being surrounded by so much water.
Growing up, I always felt sort of comforted by being totally surrounded by the ocean. The ocean was always there, always more or less warm enough to swim in, and everything beyond it just seems infinite. It felt like I could keep swimming forever if I wanted to. Looking out at the ocean, it felt like there was always the option to disappear if I wanted to. Like I could always escape, but beyond just escaping, there was the feeling that I could just dissolve into nothingness if I wanted, just go out towards the horizon and keep going and going. There was nothing to stop me, no obstacles. Everything was open, all possibilities realistic. If you go close enough to the ocean, or go high enough into the mountains, you can see the horizon, with nothing else between you and it. Because everything is so far away, it feels as if you can go wherever you like. Nothing is too insane. Leaving the islands to go somewhere else is already requires crossing a huge amount of ocean, so anywhere else is almost like a different world. Every place away from the islands feels equally distant and strange in some way.
I find myself feeling trapped whenever I am not close to the ocean. When I know I am surrounded by too much land, I get a feeling of mild panic. Like I can’t get away if I need to. As if something is trying to hold me down. Like I am struggling for air. Being too far inland just feels wrong. None of this is logical, but it is also impossible to fight. I feel most at home in or near the ocean. Something just falls into place.
(These photographs were taken in Beirut)
